Nights like these are the hardest. You're never out of my thoughts, and my stomach is turning to the dance of my emotions. I try hard to forget, to occupy myself in some way or another -- and sometimes it works...

... But then there are nights like these, where I stare at a half-ironed shirt wondering, thinking, and just trying to get through the task at hand -- teetering on the edge of giving it up, and then strengthening my resolve with the promise of some fresh air and a cigarette.

I'd say that I miss the man that I used to be... but I don't. I'm not so stupid as to think things were any better when I was younger, or that reality was any kinder. To keep a positive outlook can be difficult, however, when the weight is so heavy and the hope, though strong, is so temporarily dim.... But it is there, and I can feel myself again, and this world where I've etched my name.

I will get through this -- rest easy, rest assured;-- Of that, there is no doubt...

But nights like these are the hardest.