In response to the comments of the previous post:

I'm not sure what I'm trying to gain from it. I have no idea what the insecurity is, or if it is fixable. I know that there is a problem, but I'm not even truly sure what the core issues are. Perhaps if I knew that, I'd be better equipped to fix them. I do feel like I am cheating myself, and other people. I know that everything around me is a fade, and the reason it is like that is because I am as well.

I've longed and yearned for understanding -- a way to glimpse into the eyes of another person and believe them when they say that they really honestly care. It's so foreign to me -- I am lacking in faith.

I have a few people in my life who I could almost believe when they say they'd do anything for another person. I don't understand, and I feel cheated because I want to know what that is like. They would do it out of a deep-rooted emotion. They would truly feel that way, whereas I would do it because I felt obligated and that it was my duty.

Fucked up.

But do I know why? No. I could easily say it's because I'm a bad person. But I don't commit cardinal sins, I help people when I can.

But there's something missing from it that I just don't get.

Something that I feel is pretty damned important.