It's amazing the things that we forget. Maybe they are too painful to remember. Maybe we need to forget them to move on with our lives. One such event occured to me back in the summer of 2003. I met someone that I knew (or at least thought) that I immediately loved. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have taken the plunge and gone with him to California. I guess I put it out of my mind because I've always been one who never likes to have regrets.

I wrote a poem about it so that I would never forget. Well, I guess it's not really a poem but more of a memory seed. I had hidden it in a place where I would never lose it, but where I would rarely look. It blew my mind that I had completely 100% forgotten about it until I saw this sitting on a server. I'd like to put it some place where I will remember it more often, so now I share it with you.

=- Ode to July 2nd, 2003 -=-

I'd like to think I could write a song,
About the time that I first saw you,
And I tried to write some words to do it justice.
After failing miserably, I realized that that's not going to happen right now.
My nose is running, I'm sneezing every five minutes...

...But I need to get it out. I need to remember.
And so, I write.

I came in after a long day at work -- came to get my credit card that I had left there the other day. I wasn't feeling too well, coming down with a head cold. So I got my card, turned around, and sat down next to you. Knowing, knowing, that something pulled me to that chair. I gazed upon the Olympics, tried to look interested, probably failed miserably. After what seemed like an eternity, a moment that I knew would come did. You turned to me, and initiated conversation.

You asked me if this was the "strip" where people come to meet. Yup, I said, and gave you some geography. We talked a little, a few sentences, and in your beautiful pale blue eyes I saw a dream. But I turned to talk to the bartender, and when I looked back you were gone. "A pity", I said, very disappointed, because I was so certain that we were supposed to talk longer than that. Ah well, life is fucked up. I walked up the street to the other club, thinking I'd see some friends. None of them were there, and I quickly came back down. I went to the bar next door, ordered another drink, and started watching the trivia.

And then you came in, and this time I wasn't giving up. You see, I had had time to think about all the things I would have said to you. But naturally, all of those things seemed to melt away. Your gaze captured me once more. But I did remember one thing. I should have bought you a drink. So I did, and we talked a little more. And I became more and more familiar with you, thinking to myself, "Damn, we are totally clicking."

I told you I sang, that Karaoke started in two hours and we might as well stay. So we did, for which I thank you, because I had a great time. We played pool, drank a couple, I sang a few songs, and then I walked you to your car.

I couldn't believe you were leaving for California. Your stuff was all packed in the back. I would never see you again, you probably wouldn't email me, and that would be it. "Life is so unfair", I said, after our farewell kiss, and I turned to watch you drive away.

And so back inside the bar I went, still living in our moment. Put in a song, and sat down, waiting. But I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop feeling that there should have been more. And so I went outside, to gaze at the heavens, and look around with the hope that you were there. You weren't. I looked up the street, then down the street, wishing with all my might that you would be there. And right as I was walking back inside, with the light of hope dying within me, and just as I was thinking that I was being silly --

"Looking for someone?"

Came a voice behind me. No, it couldn't possibly..? I turned around, and there you were, like a guardian angel stepping out of the shadows, as the streetlights and traffic lights seemed to glow brighter for a moment. Maybe it was the gin. I ran up to grab you, whispering, "You came back," for truly, to me, I thought you had gone. We went back inside.

And when you left my apartment a few hours later, I stole a peek down the hall as you were leaving. You looked back, and smiled that radiant smile. Today, I'm left with no reminder of you but good memories -- without your number on my caller ID, just my web address and email in your pocket. Maybe it's like we said – someday I'll be famous and you'll show up at a concert. I don't know.

I am happy in my life, and maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic (though I never really saw myself as the romantic type), or maybe I'm just being a naïve silly little kid -- but I can't help thinking that had my life been any different, I would have hopped in your jeep and gone with you. I suppose the stars weren't lined up that way, save for in another reality where we had, our moment.